Why must our hearts be like paper and be so easily folded?

Big Cheeks

Sun, 27 Nov 2005 20:25:54 GMT

I just got my wisdom teeth out on Wedenesday. It sucked. I haven't eaten anything since Tuesday. It's crazy. I have big cheeks and HUGE brusises on my hands. They attempted to put an IV in both of my hands and it blew up. I have really thin hands. So the doctor had to come in and put the IV in my arm. It's sort of funny.

I don't know if I am going to school tomorrow. Oh well I hate school.

PS>> MRS. HOBBS FRICKIN SCREWED ME OVER!! THANKS MRS. HOBBS FOR BEING IRRESPONSIBLE AND LOSING MY HOMEWORK!!

Sun, 23 Oct 2005 19:46:58 GMT

This is on my Birthday when John brought me to the play. John had just got out of the shower when we took this picture. His face is really red and it looks like he has a black eye. It is kinda of funny.

Good Times at the Fair.

Sun, 23 Oct 2005 19:11:54 GMT

Sun, 23 Oct 2005 19:07:58 GMT

I haven't updated in a while....not that anyone has noticed. I have been really busy.

I work like 25 to 30 hours a week between the law office and Fareway. I know it sounds like a lots but it isn't that bad. I still am going to Drake and it is great. SEP sucks but oh well only one year then I am done.

John and I are super wonderful. We couldn't be better. He brought me to see Chicago for my birthday. He also bought me an awesome diamond necklace. The latch was a little loose and broke so I have to go get it fixed. Not a huge deal.

Samantha and I had a good weekend. We made lots of trouble and tore up the town, baby.

Anyways life is good and don't you all forget that. Don't let nothin bring you down.

My Laptop!

Thu, 18 Aug 2005 00:21:24 GMT

I am updating from my brand new laptop my parents bought for me. It is awesome.

School starts really soon and I am ready for school to start. I am bored all the time, plus I miss everyone from school. I still haven't got shoes for school yet. I can't figure out what I want.

My books at Drake costed 200 dollars for two books. I still haven't got my workbook that I have to have for my accounting class cause the book store was out of them. I almost payed 70 bucks for a parking pass but an awesome person I met at the book store told me not to bother to pay for a pass cause the cops will never catch me. Basically I will just park on the street.

We just went and picked up our exchange students from Japan at 4 o'clock. They are pretty awesome. They don't talk much but they are young(15) so they don't speak a ton of english. They laugh a lot though, I think they are just laughing at stupid fat americans(as some Japanese people view us).

I better go......

PS- I still haven't done my AP Biology homework.

Iowa State Fair

Fri, 12 Aug 2005 12:35:14 GMT

Went to the fair with John, Swanson, and Serena.....we had a ton of fun. We defintely got completed soaked and we all looked like wet dogs. We had fun riding the midway rides in the rain. (Note: Ferris wheels are a danger to society)

Here is a pic we had taken at the Iowa Telecomm Booth.

I am a Sad Person

Tue, 09 Aug 2005 18:06:04 GMT

Wow have not updated forever....Basically the summer is almost over and I have really appolished nothing these past few months.

This summer I just layed around and relaxed for the most part. I feel like a loser but oh well it felt good doing nothing. Once school starts up again I am barely going to have time to breath let alond lay around and do nothing. I have a meeting at Drake on monday and I get to figure out which classes I am taking and what teachers I will have.

I just got back from Lake Ann Bapist Camp....it was ok. I really wasn't too excited to be there the whole time but I met some awesome girls that were in my cabin. They kept me sane the whole time.

My question for everyone who reads my journal(which isn't a lot of people) what have you appolished this summer???

Comment please

Mon, 18 Jul 2005 05:12:50 GMT

It is raining and pouring like crazy!!!

John had to run to his car with his shirt off because he didn't want to get it wet....(boys I tell you).

John gave me a beautiful necklace yesterday. It is real diamonds and everything....so he says....but I believe him.

Not much to say...Camp starts in two weeks. I really don't want to go but oh well my parents have already payed and everything. I don't think many people are going for some reason.

I have an appointment with the oral surgen on thursday. I am sort of scared but I will get over it...I am strong.

I need a manicure....

Tue, 12 Jul 2005 18:04:58 GMT

I haven't updated in forever. Not that anyone has noticed or anything.

I have had a pretty good summer. I basically work lots and hang with friends quite a bit. I basically hang out around the house during the day and then party at nights with my friends. It is nice just laying around and not doing much during the days. It is really refreshing. So basically I sleep from 2:00am to 10:00am. Odd schedule I know...

Is anybody else taking AP Biology?? I forgot what we were supposed to do for the summer homework! Oh well....I ususally just don't do my homwork....whats new?

Samantha, Me, John, and Sean went to Kansas City this past weekend. We had a ton of fun at worlds of fun and just hanging out around Kansas City. We went shopping on Friday and Sunday and we ate lots of ice cream. LOL...we like ice cream!

Tell me how your summer is going.....Call me if you want to do something...480-2292

Thu, 09 Jun 2005 04:03:02 GMT

Tonight was the first night I saw him cry in six months.....

It scares me how much I care and love him.....

Thu, 02 Jun 2005 20:24:06 GMT

I have not updated in forever. I have been really really busy with work and finishing up school stuff. But now it is the second day of summer break and I am bored out of my mind. I woke up at 11:45, I went running, I ate, and now I am really bored. I have to work at 5 so then I won't be so bored. I want to find something to keep myself occupied this summer, or I am going to go crazy.

I am excited though because in July, Samantha, Sean, John, and I are going down to Kansas City for a long weekend. It is going to be awesome.

Samantha is going to be gone for like 2 weeks on vacation so I am really going to be bored. Someone save me!

If anyone wants to do anything, call me 480-2292. I have all day off tomorrow.

Mon, 16 May 2005 23:15:25 GMT

Changes.....

I look back on two years ago..and the people I was friends with. Everyone is so different. Including myself. I can barally handle it...it is all spinning around in my head. All this graduation stuff has made me think.

I mean I have some friends engaged, pregnant, in jail, alcoholics, drug addicts, being abused, sluts, in college, pastors. The sad thing is most of the friends I used to be close to are the one that are the that are completely screwed up. I think to myself "Could I have helped them in some way?" Then again who am I to help them? I was and still am pretty screwed up. I have had my share of this wonderful(not) society and culture. I am so happy for those that have found the right path(Matt and Shannon for example).

Where will I be in two years? Engaged? Pregnant? An Alcoholic? In college? It is so hard to think about. John and I have talked about where we will be in two years. We are so close and we fit so prefectely. Everyone says so. Will we be engaged? I know I am only almost a junior but still....I am not a typical 10th grader. I start college next semester. Am I growing up to fast? I want time to freeze(minus the bad things)

I am listin to this CD...yes I know Christina A.

Young girl don’t cry
I’ll be right here when your world starts to fall
Young girl it’s alright
Your tears will dry, you’ll soon be free to fly

When you’re safe inside your room you tend to dream
Of a place where nothing’s harder than it seems
No one ever wants or bothers to explain
Of the heartache life can bring and what it means

Chorus:
When there’s no one else, look inside yourself
Like your oldest friend just trust the voice within
Then you’ll find the strength that will guide your way
You’ll learn to begin to trust the voice within

Young girl don’t hide
You’ll never change if you just run away
Young girl just hold tight
Soon you’re gonna see your brighter day

Now in a world where innocence is quickly claimed
It’s so hard to stand your ground when you’re so afraid
No one reaches out a hand for you to hold
When you look outside look inside to your soul

Chorus

Life is a journey
It can take you anywhere you choose to go
As long as you’re learning
You’ll find all you’ll ever need to know
(be strong)
You’ll break it
(hold on)
You’ll make it
Just don’t forsake it because
No one can tell you what you can’t do
No one can stop you, you know that I’m talking to you

Chorus

Young girl don’t cry I’ll be right here when your world starts to fall

I need to Walk Away sometimes

Fri, 13 May 2005 03:30:51 GMT

This song has been running through my mind...I really dont get it

(What do you do when you know something's bad for you
but you still can't let go?)

I was naive, your love was like candy
artificially sweet, I was deceived by the wrapping
Got caught in your web and I learned how to bleed
I was prey in your bed and devoured completely

And it hurts my soul cause I can't let go
All these walls are caving in, I can't stop my sufferin'
I hate to show that I lost control
Cause I, I keep going right back
To the one thing that I need
To walk away from
Yeaah...

I need to get away from you, need to walk away from you
get away, walk away, walk away. . .

I should have known that I was used for amusement(for amusement)
Couldn't see through the smoke,
It was all an illusion
Now I've been licking my wounds,(licking my wounds) but the
venom seeps deeper (deeper, deeper)
We both can seduce, but darlin' you hold me prisoner (prisoner)

Oh, I'm about to break, I can't stop this ache
I'm addicted to your allure, and I'm fiendin' for a cure
Every step I take leads to one mistake
I keep going right back to the one thing that I need
Oh, I can't mend this torn state I'm in
Getting nothing in return, what did I do to deserve
The pain of this slow burn
And everywhere I turn,
I keep going right back to the one thing that I need
To walk away from
yeahh...

I need to get away from you, need to walk away from you

Every time I try to grasp for air
I am smothered in despair
It's never over, over, oh oh. . .
Seems I'll never wake from this nightmare,
I let out a silent prayer. . .
Let it be over, oh. . .

Inside I'm screaming, begging, pleading no more (oooh)

Now what to do, my heart has been bruised
So sad but it's true, each beat reminds me of you

It hurts my soul, cause I can't let go
All these walls are caving in, I can't stop my sufferin'
I hate to show that I've lost control
Cause I, I keep going right back to the one thing that I need
Oh, I'm about to break, I can't stop this ache
I'm addicted to your allure, and I'm fiendin' for a cure
Every step I take leads to one mistake
I keep going right back to the one thing that I need
Oh, I can't mend this torn state I'm in
Getting nothing in return, what did I do to deserve
The pain of this slow burn
And everywhere I turn, I keep going right back to the one thing
that I need
To walk away from
yeaahh...

dying... oooh...
i said...
need to get away from you, need to walk away from you
get away, walk away, walk away [repeat]
(mmm)
Only thing I need to do
Is walk away from you

College, Body Piercing, and Growin Up!

Fri, 06 May 2005 17:50:51 GMT

My parents are going to be super awesome and buy me a new laptop for next year. For those that didn't know I am starting Drake University next year as a part-time student(while for like 2 classes a semester). It is going to be awesome. I am nervous yet I am not, ya know. I am also going to take a college class online, Ap Statitics. I am also taking Ap Biology here at SEP.

John still hasn't decided what college he is going to. I wish he would even though it really shouldn't make a difference to me. I just care so much and I want him to be happy at where he chooses.

My parents are being really gay and not letting me pierce my belly button. At first they were going to let me and they really didn't care but I asked my mom to bring me next weekend and she said no. I have to wait until I am 18. But if I pull all A's next semester I can get it done earlier. I think my parents got iffy after Samantha got in trouble for piercing hers and some people at church are against it. Well I really don't care what others think especially at church no offense you guys. It is my body and this is what I want to do to it. I am not a bad christian for getting it done like some people think. I am probably also getting a tatto when I turn 18. I am excited.

Ok now I am bored typing. Comment if you care about me and if you don't I guess that means nobody cares.

Wed, 04 May 2005 18:02:35 GMT

I really havn't updated in awhile cause I have been so busy.

Yesterday I was in such a bitchy mood. I yelled at like 10 people cause they kept on touching me and I DIDN'T WANT TO BE TOUCHED!! I asked nicely the first time then I yelled and said "Get the **** off of me" Yeah I was that pissed off. I am a bad person.

Then I had a track meet and I was in four events(of course). I was tired but I got through them. My times were ok but could have been better. It was funny..I got new meds for pain and I took two like the bottle said to. After popping them I read the bottle it said "Extreme tiredness will occur, dizzness, don't operate machinery" I started to laugh because I still had to run 3 event. By the 4 by 400 I was yawning really bad. It was all good though because by the time I got the baton and I was the last runner. We were in DEAD LAST by like 100 meters. So it was ok.

I am still tired cause I have to be on this medication for like a week. OH well...

Track is over in a week!!!! YEAH!!!

Mon, 25 Apr 2005 03:58:28 GMT

Well prom was a lot of fun. I didn't get home until 5:00am. John about fell asleep while driving me home cause my parents were being gay and wouldn't let me just stay the night with him. They were like "not until your 18." Oh well... John's friend were all really nice and none of them said any crap about me. Well at least to my face. Post prom was great. I got to watch John beat up a kid in the blow up boxing ring. He killed them. I have some pictures...

John and me before prom...yes i know it looks like my eyes were closed!

Nice confused look on John's face..

And someone thought it was funny to take a pic of the side of my face..(John!!)

Good times...Good times

I am so tired!

Fri, 22 Apr 2005 02:45:17 GMT

Hey Hey....I got nothing really to say.

I had a track meet today at South Tama. We got second place over all. Benton beats us by like 15 points because they had A lot more girls then we did. I am really happy with my performance though. I beat all my seasons best for my 200 and 400. I guess my 400 was my personal best. I am very happy with myself right now.

Prom is on Saturday and I am nervous for that. I don't know anyone at Colfax-Mingo so it is going to feel weird. I am going to feel like John's shadow and just follow him around everywhere. Post prom is ending at 4:15am so DONT Expect me at church in the morning. My mom told me my priorities were screwed up for missing church but sorry I need more than 2 hours of sleep. I don't think God is going to send my to hell for missing one sunday out of the entire YEAR!!! OH WELL.

I have so much on my mind. John has to pick a college and his two choices are colleges like one hour and a half away and three and a half hours away. I don't know..I don't want to be selfish and tell him to go to the one only an hour and a half but I am really going to miss him. He is so good for me. We have never fought, he makes me feel good about myself, and I know he feels the same about me. My parents said I have to wait until I am 18 to go down to his college if he chooses to go to the one three hours and a half away. So I sort of hope that he chooses the closer one.

OUT

Tue, 19 Apr 2005 03:29:40 GMT

Well Life is good....I guess. I realized today with the help of my parents that I am WAY TO STRESSED and OVERWORKED. I may quit track. I don't know...I am tired of being stressed and I think that quitting track may be the solution to all my problems. I don't know I may stick it out who knows.

I pulled a muscle in my back really bad and I had to go home early from school because of MAJOR pain. I had to miss a track meet. Oh well.

Yeah some reason I am feeling really relieved and I don't know why. Like I have no cares in the world.

I hate doctors!

Wed, 13 Apr 2005 01:19:48 GMT

Well I have a lot of rage I must get out.

Tonight we had a track meet. I didn't go though. I decided to get the problem with my heart figured out. See I always complain about not being able to breath but the reality of the story is my heart beats WAY TOO FAST to soon. My heart jumps 100 beats in 30 to 60 seconds. This causes me not to be able to breath and it makes my legs EXTREMELY heavy and dizziness. I started to look up stuff on the internet about athletes having this problem and I figured out that it can be extremely deadly. So I went to the doctor yesterday. She took like a gallon of blood(and I have the bruises to prove it) and she made me take a stress test. Basically I had to run up 6 flights of stairs twice and then they took my heart rate. The doctor was amazed at how fast my heart rate went up. She told me that this could cause heart attacks at a young age. OK I thought we were getting somewhere but no. She called my mom today and told her my blood work looked fine and I just needed to learn to relax and breath correctly. WELL NO SHIT!! I already knew that. She is not even going to send me to a specialist or anything.

I know my body. I AM AN ATHLETE!! I shouldn't have this problem of not being able to breath and my heart rate going up so high. I am in shape. Something isn't right with me. I don't complain about aches and pains often but I know this one is serious. SO I don't know what to do. I should just run until I have a heart attack then we can sue the doctor for all she has.

So back to the track I go. I am just not going to complain anymore, what happens, happens.

PAIN IS GAIN!!

John's Pic

Fri, 08 Apr 2005 03:38:06 GMT

Here is a few pictures from John's Spain trip. He took over 500 pictures. All of them are really good.

He is so lucky to have been able to go to the beach when all of us were freezing.

Yeah a bull fight!!

How cute is that! He did it just to suck up but it is my favorite picture.

Mon, 04 Apr 2005 03:37:58 GMT

John is finally coming back from Spain tomorrow. I miss him much. I am going to go meet him at the airport tomorrow at like 6:15 I think. I didn't realize how much I like being with him until he was gone.

This weekend was a lot of fun though.

Friday night we went to Okaboji and I ate really gross mashed potatoes. I puked them up later.(sorry probably too much info)

Saturday night was the best. Arianna, Sean, KC, and I went to the mall. I gots lots of new clothes. We had so much fun just drivin around for hours screwing around. I haven't laughed that much in months. We also went to the park and messed around. Man good times.

Sunday I went and got my dress fitted for prom. I found another dress but I just decided to stick with the one I have. Then Sean and Tyler came over the attempted to fix my car. They took a long time and Sean got majorly covered in grease. Then we went out to eat and Wal-Mart. Then church...need I say more.

Tomorrow is going to suck cause I have to wait for so long to see John.

Nasty Smokers

Tue, 29 Mar 2005 19:10:07 GMT

Well like usual I am in Web Page Design doing nothing. I have an assignment I am suppose to be doing but oh well.

Spring break was fun yet sort of boring. I was always busy doing something but those somethings weren't neccessarly all that fun.

I have determined something though this Spring Break. Smoker are SO NASTY!! I would never kiss a guy that smokes. Also I could see a pretty girl(not in the gay sense) and if she took out a cirgartte she just turned ugly. Smoking is COMPLETELY unhealthy, it is unattractive. I have talked to A TON of boys and they say that girls that smoke is a complete turn off. So if you smoke you are DUMB. Reconsider what you are doing next time you light up. I am not going to stop being friends with someone that smokes but I would not let them smoke around me. I don't want to smell like smoke.

Track is good. I still have sore muscles. Oh well it comes with track season. It sucks sometimes though.

Comment or something

Thu, 24 Mar 2005 19:48:36 GMT

Well I don't have much to say really.

Spring break has been going good I guess...really haven't done much.

Monday- I went to Advertureland Inn and swam with Samantha and KC. That was much fun. Then Samantha and I went to target and B-Bops. I had to work at 6 and I didn't get out of work until 10:30pm. After work Arianna, Jenna, John, and I went to Okaboji and I ate cheese cake.

Tuesday- I had track practice at 10 until 12. Then I went to samantha's hosue and we watch Mean Girls. I do know that I worked from 4 to 6. Then I went out to eat with my parents at Noah's. Then people came over to my house for a get together. They didn't leave until like midnight and John didn't leave until like 12:30. I was tired.

Wedenesday- I had track practice again from 10 to 12. Then I went out to eat with my Great-grandma and grandma. Then I went grocery shopping with them. I just can't express how much fun that was. I had to work from 3 to 7. Then John and I went out to eat and watched a movie.

Thursday- I had to wake up at 6:15am to pick up Samantha at 7:15am. We went to see John off at the airport. He is going to Spain for like two weeks. I am sad. I am going to miss him so much. (tear, tear). Then I went over to my great-grandma's house and did some house work for her. I made 50 bucks for doing basically nothing. Now I am waiting to go to work at 3. I only work until 6 but I may ask if I can stay long because I have nothing else to do. Man I am a work acholic.

This kid is out.

Wed, 23 Mar 2005 02:49:52 GMT

I thought I would post my prom dress. I don't know how happy I am with it. Please tell me what you think. Is it to simple?

Mon, 21 Mar 2005 05:07:02 GMT

Collide

The dawn is breaking
A light shining through
You're barely waking
And I'm tangled up in you
Yeah

I'm open, you're closed
Where I follow, you'll go
I worry I won't see your face
Light up again

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme
Out of the doubt that fills my mind
I somehow find
You and I collide

I'm quiet you know
You make a frist impression
I've found I'm scared to know I'm always on your mind

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the stars refuse to shine
Out of the back you fall in time
I somehow find
You and I collide

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to ryhme
Out of the doubt that fills your mind
You finally find
You and I collide

You finally find
You and I collide
You finally find
You and I collide

Tonight the only thing I am going to say is......Thanks John.